The aerodynamics of meat

The cyclonic avalanche of votes for mettwurst reveals that people have a good understanding of the aerodynamics of meat.

In the last poll ("Which meat would not make good kite-flying material?") the three votes for mettwurst crushed the one vote each for thin-sliced salami, beef tenderloin, and honey-baked ham. Mettwurst is simply too bulbous and has a poor surface area for any lift; besides, it typically has water added and cereal fillers which are dead weight.

Thin-sliced salami is ideal for stitching together to make the body of the kite, and held with a frame of bamboo and launched with butcher's twine, provides suitable aerodynamic lift. Plus, the grease provides a wonderful built-in water repellant, and when flying overhead in rays of sunlight, a kite of thin-sliced salami is as beautiful as a stained glass window.

I would say the same for beef tenderloin, but I am repulsed at the notion of doing anything sacrilegious with cows. My brother Sanjay must have been the one who voted for this one, as he knew it was a trick question for Hindus!

Honey-baked ham would also be decent for kites, but it has a tendency to be attacked by birds who try to peck at its sugary crust. Otherwise, in theory, it is a satisfying flier.

Thank you for voting, and remember: if you do not pass on the Indian tradition of making kites with meat, your children will grow up in the most detestable, impoverished, worthless way possible —times ten!— so help me Rama!