Climbers who terrorize The New York City Times building

So today, another person has terrorized The New York City Times building, climbing up the side of the tower and apparently posting a holy war-baiting message (or perhaps, attaching a target for the terrorists' airplanes to aim towards).

I am not knowing why so many people climb this one building and post their messages on it, unless prices for advertising in the paper's classifieds section have become too expensive. Now the discussion turns towards how to keep others from climbing the tower and hanging their messages of "Sublet to share - $600/month - call Jeff."

My brother Sanjay and I have devised these possible architectural solutions to repel climbers:

• A giant tapered collar around the whole building, like the kind used to keep dogs from scratching at their ear infections
• A spring-loaded, weight-sensitive cage which sheathes the exterior and descends when climbers engage the building, like the kind used on bird feeders to protect against squirrels
• Genetically-mutated jumbo peregrine falcons trained to snatch and eat humans who climb the buildings’ walls
• Electrified livestock fencing, sheets of fly paper, you name it…

Perhaps this only needs the passage of time: after a few years, there is to be a smelly calcified crust of pigeon droppings on the building, and who would want to put their hands in that??